masquerade. unveil the truth-

Friday, October 27, 2006

sometimes life begin secretly when you dont even know it had began.
my life, i would never know when it has began. I cant even remember when i started to remember myself as a human in this world. Primary school, Sec sch, Jc, Uni, other Uni life. the rest of the teenager population falls in love, falls out of love, gotten into trouble, gotten out of trouble, made some crazy shit ass move. Whereas me, i cant remember when i ever did fall in love. I remember my crushes though. Then again, crushes will always remain as crushes. I never did have the gut to go up to the guy and say," hi " every crush since pri to uni ends up unwritten and forgottened. For some reason, i always thought that this was the best for me. Secretly hiding one corner, watching him go by the other corner. Or daydreaming the day when he will accidentally bump into me and get to know me. I have to admit the daydreaming part, is totally me. But in cchsm, especially in sec 4, when my classroom was on the top floor, i could see the vast view of the palm trees that laid nicely arranged. resting my head on my desk, i would dream that i was in hollywood with some movie star in a convertable riding up the streets of LA. its those palm trees that gave me the effect.

through these years of plain hard tuitioning and studying, ive finally found something that i know i will keep doing till i die, that would be medicine. then again, there were so many things that i have to give up in order to pursue that dream. I always wanted to do the arts so much. most importantly, i wanted so much to be a singer. i wanted to be in the media. Near my house is the LaSalle school of fine arts. that was my dream school. but i know, i can never make it big there becuz for all my wanting to be in tt school, it just doesnt mean ill be good enough to enter or let alone suceed.

so the logical side of me picked the side of science. life science was what i was allocated. I loved what i was doing back in nus. my frens, my lifestyle, my climbing, and my all-so-handsome tutor and lecturer (DR DARREN YEO). i loved the idea of going out late at night clubbing. i loved having fun with my seniors, gossiping about that so-called guy with the other so-called-girl and my jason-look-alike guy whom i dunno his name till now.

all these were my past.

right now, whenever im back in imu, i feel like im a different person all in all. i become this mature person who have not much things to do other than studying. i become this trainee of medicine and not a normal teenager with fun. whenever i pass by lasalle, i always tell myself, "this is the kind of life i will never get to taste" everytime i see my fren dance performance with all the hip hop thingy going on, i tell myself the same thing. when i sit down and think how many times ive told myself that sentence, i realise that it was uncountable.

all those that i can ever have are in my career. and its going to be a long tiring career. some people are just destined to be alone. Destiny, that is like a hidden string that connects everyone of us to this focal point of the world. destiny is the power to bring strangers together and bond. I am destined to be in this lonely path.

other girls get to be in and out of a relationship like nothing. i have such a hard time trying to get into one. i remembered my fren telling me that im a unique person, and only a very unique person will fall for me. to me it sounded more like, im destined to be with some werido.lol. but i have to say im very different from the rest of the girls, more in the negative manner.

well, life is mainly based on destiny and fate. who said you have your life in your hands? if so, there will be no balance in the world. the percentage for you to make changes is just like steering the wheel of life, but at each turn you make at every junction will only lead you to the end of the road which fate had designed for you.

so yeah,

im not really anticipating the future. because, i dont want to anticipate, in the end, i will always end up waiting. waiting for something special to happen to me.

the beauty exposed ;

Monday, October 23, 2006

when the time is ripe:: when it becomes too little too late

Im not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Dont know what I was missing or why I aint listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that its over
What else could it be he just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
Why didnt I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
-Im not missing you-Stacie Orrico

im not going through emotions.

how to put this in words,
there are things in the world where you need to wait for the right time to do or say
timing is the key to success.

when it seems that waiting is the hardest thing you can do.
you just have to wait for the right time
just wait till its time for you to step up to the bar and shout what you wanna say so much

and if you do it too little too late or too early too eager
things will change.
and it may not be for the best

so right now.

im just going to wait..
wait for the time when whoever will say to me the right thing.

and if whoever doesnt.
im just going to forget it.

because my curiosity will forever be surpressed and forgottened.

so in the end:: im just not missing you

the beauty exposed ;

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

today was the biannual recruitment drive of the freshies to see which are the clubs and societies there are in IMU. adventure club was of cuz one of them..

the booth was not as fantasic..but so were the other clubs booth. we managed to have a no.s of interested ppl wanting to join us.

our events are like we are going to a caving and white river rafting trip this coming christmas break. its a 3days to 2 nights thing.
and i believe alot of ppl are interested in it as well..

and my senior said that she could invite the first person who conquered Mt Everest to give a talk in IMU.!

which means there will have to be plenty of events la..

i hope this semester adventure club will start progressing.
honestly.
i feel tt im a lousy leader.
i feel at all that i fit being a leader la.

but nvm ill try to make this trip work..

next thing on my agenda is the tea party and climbing trips.
plus sheduling the plans of the dec break.

im supposed to go back to burma one.
but my mom was like saying tt it is not worth it for me to return since i have only 1 week break and that i shouldnt waste money..

then again
i think its true
becuz its just so difficult to get a visa there..
plus i need to travel from malaysia to burma..

which is like..
i dun even know wher KLIA is!!!

how im i supposed to go to burma when i dun noe how to get to the airport.
plus im travelling alone..

so i dunno man..

if its via Changi airport.
its still alright becuz i know sg and burma's airport.
but its the malaysia side tt is troubling.

tonight there will be a moon cake festival event at the school's atrium..it is going to be crowded la..
and there is a beauty pagent going go...the chinese society actually asked me to join one..but its like so super dumb. and its werid to be on stage for no good reason.
but yeah.
i dun think im going to watch the concert.
not interested...
im just going to be a low profile person.....

regards to all ppl who have been reading this blog.

im sorry for not updating this for a long time..
many things happened within these few time of absence..with school work and all...

and i just realised that this senior of my is actually suffering of depression..

imagine man...

the power of medical college to ruin your one and only life..

*dot*

the beauty exposed ;