masquerade. unveil the truth-

Thursday, June 26, 2008

oh crap. i have 3 more days. and i still have CNS and GIT and half of CVS..

crap man
i have to have a contingent plan now!!
skip CNS go to summaries of GIT. screw it if i dunno the details.. at least maybe i can answer something is better than nothing.! ( i pray!)

oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grr
frickin out big time!-.-"""""""

the beauty exposed ;

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

if there is a song to describe how i feel right now. its would be All fall Down- one republic.

its 6.37am, i woke up at 4 to study. but slept damn early as well. i have so much more to study. I have so much more.. god.. i hope i can finish all these in time. please man..

but as i was studying i started to recall this place next to my place. Currently its the Sheng Siong there. (geesh i hate tt place cuz its so dirty now. but then again its cheap supermart products)

anyway, previously that place used to be an old cinema, then a City harvest Church took over it and now it belongs to Sheng Siong after City harvest upgraded and got a bigger and better church.
Since the building has been there for many years they have this very nice huge shady carpark with big trees giving shelter to cars. then again, beware of bird poo.

Whenever i walk past and thru the carpark to reach home, that place always gave me a feeling like when i fall in love, its gonna be something like that, the trees around you, leaves falling down.the autumn flavor type. Surprising, leaves do actually fall down from there everytime, cause the tree is kinda like the rainforest trees, i guess they shed all year round?

its a pretty awesome place honestly, but now, because of sheng siong's presence, the area is more commercialized to fit the growing crowd and the trunks and fishes..(man it stinks)

oh well, i guess things do change. environment changes. but the best part of all are the memories.:) keeps you smiling even though its no longer there.
:)

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, June 22, 2008

omg.. im feeling super duper stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno what to do.. like im going crazy.. and the rate that im studying is so super slow.. i dunno man.. how!! i need a miracle. and the only miracle that can ever come true is me working even harder than now.! i have to finish MSK by today.. but i cant finish it on time. and i still have cns and other systems to cover. omg...

gesh....

okok
deep breathe calm down girl... you gotta do this fast..

so im like blasting trance music while studying.. just to keep myself awake..
holy crap..
i need to pull thru this man... grr.. thazin jia you jia yoU!!!

one more week.. and you can have all they fun you want..so fucking work your ass off oK!! just do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the beauty exposed ;

Saturday, June 21, 2008

As im looking at my blog this morning, i just realize how not relevant the blog is to me. "Beauty"?? The Beauty within??

like wth...honestly what's the reason i choose this skin? maybe its the design, but the words are completely contrasted to me and my life. beauty is not part of my life. vanity as no association in my life. Looking pretty and looking good is not an option, because i have absolutely no time for it plus there isnt anyone worth flaunting off. haha..

i just realize that i have lost all interest in searching for the mundane pleasures of life. haha.. im a zombie now. i do nothing but repetitive works again and again. Im a "lost soul".

hmm... i think i should get a pet. a cat or a dog? hmm... then as i grow old.. ill get more and more cats..and when im really old, staying all alone in an apartment, ill prolly have 20 over cats and when that happens..ill be branded as "the crazy cat women"

OMG!!!

i just imagined my life!!!

crap......
okok
back to study..-.-"

the beauty exposed ;

I was taking a walk ard my estate this evening to destress ( which i ended up going out for dinner and doing other things instead of studying like for eg NOW!)

anw, as i was walking i realized that my estate is actually a really beautiful place. Cuz i would actually jog around at least once a week, and everytime i jog, i get to see the beautiful houses, watch little children playing in the playground and the older children playing badminton and basketball. And there are also a batch of teenagers who goes to the park and skateboard.

I rem this once, zin came over to my place and i brought out my skateboard to try skating at the park as well ( cuz i was so stressed that i decided to buy a skateboard and try something new). But obviously i can hardly balance so both of us decided to ask those teenager boys for help.

we were like " hmm.. can you like teach us the very basic of skating"

they looked at us and said " hmm... dunno la.. ask the other guy" and they pointed to something taller who seems to be the oldest among them. So we went to ask the "head" of the gang.. and he also said NO bluntly. -.-

hai~. so we got rejected by teenage boys. and tt sucks.

but now.. hahHAHA im proud to say.. that i pretty good at moving with the board now! lol~

so many things have changed already..and i have one more week till my finals. 2 more weeks till i really leave this place.

2 more months till i go to leeds. oh apparently, today while surfing online, i just found out the uni has a very nice huge rockwall man!. hmm.. now, i just cant wait to go there and explore a whole new world there. Maybe things might just look on the upper side now.

so study hard thazin! you can do it.! all you have to do is put your heart and soul in it! im sure.. things will all turn out good.!!!!!!

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, June 20, 2008

i honestly miss my life so much in singapore. I miss TPJC so bad. I miss climbing so much. I have stop climbing almost close to 3/4 of the year already. And its not because i do want to climb. its just i have no time to climb and i cannot compromise my studies for it. Its my finals for yr 3. i have to pass this exam and move on to leeds now.

i miss chung cheng high! i miss eifer so bad too! i hate the fact that i have to mugging here despite the fact tt cheung is here in sg and i cant meet her. I hate the fact that I will not be able to see her for more a year later cuz ill prolly not be back in sg for a long long time.

I miss my family. I miss my sister. I miss my brother. I miss everyone. I miss my tv, i miss my aircon, my miss my parents. I miss my bed. I miss my life there.

I miss the carefree life i had.

i miss my friends. I miss it so bad.

I miss shopping in orchard. I miss going down to ECP for a jog or cycling or maybe just a walk. I miss studying at ECP mac with chungie and checking out the waiters there. I miss going to Marine parade lib and study at the same time check out the VJ guys (ok.. then..JC guys seems so hot.. now..mm.. they are just juvenile)

I miss chilling at starbucks listening to their weird taste in music.

i miss listening to the cars and traffice from my room window. I miss walking to the train station.
I miss going to NUS. I miss climbing in NUS. I miss buying my "HL chocolate milk" every morning right b4 my 8am lecture. I miss buying Coffee from Science canteen every morning bw lectures at 9am just to keep me awake cuz the milk seems to have an adverse effect instead on keeping me awake and making me stay away from the toilet.

I miss going down to law fac and study in the Law lib while i check out law students there. I miss meeting ching see after our lects in the morning and head over to Engine Fac for DISCOUNTED mac breakfast. I miss meeting Cher to bring me go climb in NUS rock gym. I miss my favorite Japanese set lunch in the canteen.

And i miss going to one private corner of Biz fac to sit down and study my vietnamese. I miss chasing after the buses when i have to change from a sc tutorial to an arts tutorial.

i miss going jogging around CCHS. I miss sitting on the swing in the park.

I miss home in other words.
i really do miss home.
if i can choose to stay with my parents forever. i would.

Now, i have to fend myself.

all i have to do now, is study hard! pass my finals.

and move on to another chapter of my life. Life in UK. Away from home again in Sg and away from home again in Kl.

away from all i love again. And to start anew.

But im sure, i will be a stronger and wiser person.

give me strength so i have survive this killer exam.

the beauty exposed ;

Saturday, June 14, 2008

2 more weeks till my finals come. the finals that shall determine whether i move on and be Yr 3 (again -.-) or stay on as sem5 again. Boy, this really sucks big time. but all i have to do is endure for 2 more weeks. just hang in there alright!

all i need to do is study really really really super duper uber hard every single day and make sure i read all systems.

so this is my resolution:

1) i will finish at least 15 lecture notes everyday!
2) i will finish respi today.
3) i will start on hemato today after i finish respi
4) and finish it the day after tml
5) then i have to do GIT and MSK, CNS and CVS

I CAN DO IT!!! I WILL DO IT! JUST WATCH ME DO IT!
IT WILL BE DONE! TRUST ME!!! I WILL WILL WILL GRADUATE FROM THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*BATTLE ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

the beauty exposed ;