sometimes life begin secretly when you dont even know it had began. my life, i would never know when it has began. I cant even remember when i started to remember myself as a human in this world. Primary school, Sec sch, Jc, Uni, other Uni life. the rest of the teenager population falls in love, falls out of love, gotten into trouble, gotten out of trouble, made some crazy shit ass move. Whereas me, i cant remember when i ever did fall in love. I remember my crushes though. Then again, crushes will always remain as crushes. I never did have the gut to go up to the guy and say," hi " every crush since pri to uni ends up unwritten and forgottened. For some reason, i always thought that this was the best for me. Secretly hiding one corner, watching him go by the other corner. Or daydreaming the day when he will accidentally bump into me and get to know me. I have to admit the daydreaming part, is totally me. But in cchsm, especially in sec 4, when my classroom was on the top floor, i could see the vast view of the palm trees that laid nicely arranged. resting my head on my desk, i would dream that i was in hollywood with some movie star in a convertable riding up the streets of LA. its those palm trees that gave me the effect.
through these years of plain hard tuitioning and studying, ive finally found something that i know i will keep doing till i die, that would be medicine. then again, there were so many things that i have to give up in order to pursue that dream. I always wanted to do the arts so much. most importantly, i wanted so much to be a singer. i wanted to be in the media. Near my house is the LaSalle school of fine arts. that was my dream school. but i know, i can never make it big there becuz for all my wanting to be in tt school, it just doesnt mean ill be good enough to enter or let alone suceed.
so the logical side of me picked the side of science. life science was what i was allocated. I loved what i was doing back in nus. my frens, my lifestyle, my climbing, and my all-so-handsome tutor and lecturer (DR DARREN YEO). i loved the idea of going out late at night clubbing. i loved having fun with my seniors, gossiping about that so-called guy with the other so-called-girl and my jason-look-alike guy whom i dunno his name till now.
all these were my past.
right now, whenever im back in imu, i feel like im a different person all in all. i become this mature person who have not much things to do other than studying. i become this trainee of medicine and not a normal teenager with fun. whenever i pass by lasalle, i always tell myself, "this is the kind of life i will never get to taste" everytime i see my fren dance performance with all the hip hop thingy going on, i tell myself the same thing. when i sit down and think how many times ive told myself that sentence, i realise that it was uncountable.
all those that i can ever have are in my career. and its going to be a long tiring career. some people are just destined to be alone. Destiny, that is like a hidden string that connects everyone of us to this focal point of the world. destiny is the power to bring strangers together and bond. I am destined to be in this lonely path.
other girls get to be in and out of a relationship like nothing. i have such a hard time trying to get into one. i remembered my fren telling me that im a unique person, and only a very unique person will fall for me. to me it sounded more like, im destined to be with some werido.lol. but i have to say im very different from the rest of the girls, more in the negative manner.
well, life is mainly based on destiny and fate. who said you have your life in your hands? if so, there will be no balance in the world. the percentage for you to make changes is just like steering the wheel of life, but at each turn you make at every junction will only lead you to the end of the road which fate had designed for you.
so yeah,
im not really anticipating the future. because, i dont want to anticipate, in the end, i will always end up waiting. waiting for something special to happen to me.
